Comments on: Mr. India does not save the break-down-wallah. Plus: the most adventurous ice cream ever. http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/mr-india-does-not-save-the-break-down-wallah-plus-the-most-adventurous-ice-cream-ever/ Just another WordPress.com weblog Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:37:19 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Jo-machhli http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/mr-india-does-not-save-the-break-down-wallah-plus-the-most-adventurous-ice-cream-ever/#comment-22 Jo-machhli Wed, 25 Jun 2008 00:01:16 +0000 http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/?p=12#comment-22 Sounds like absolute, 100%, unmitigated culture shock to me. I'd take a deep breath and not make any big decisions for a few days, like moving out. Culture shock isn't rational, it's deep and pervasive and surprising and difficult and really hard to deal with. There's something to be said for going for high-normalcy-like-home things, even if you wouldn't normally do it. You may find it helps to go the nearest big luxurious Westerner-catering hotel with air conditioning and marble floors and pay the outrageous 250 rupees for a latte and sit there quietly and read a book, and pee in their clean bathroom. You don't need to tell anyone you did it, but it's ok to do. Think about what it must be like for Indians getting off the boat to come to grad school in Madison, and how overwhelmed they must feel by how different it is. You wouldn't judge them for feeling like they needed something more like home and some quiet time, would you? So give yourself a bit of a break here. Sounds like absolute, 100%, unmitigated culture shock to me. I’d take a deep breath and not make any big decisions for a few days, like moving out. Culture shock isn’t rational, it’s deep and pervasive and surprising and difficult and really hard to deal with.

There’s something to be said for going for high-normalcy-like-home things, even if you wouldn’t normally do it. You may find it helps to go the nearest big luxurious Westerner-catering hotel with air conditioning and marble floors and pay the outrageous 250 rupees for a latte and sit there quietly and read a book, and pee in their clean bathroom. You don’t need to tell anyone you did it, but it’s ok to do. Think about what it must be like for Indians getting off the boat to come to grad school in Madison, and how overwhelmed they must feel by how different it is. You wouldn’t judge them for feeling like they needed something more like home and some quiet time, would you? So give yourself a bit of a break here.

]]> By: Dani http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/mr-india-does-not-save-the-break-down-wallah-plus-the-most-adventurous-ice-cream-ever/#comment-21 Dani Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:35:37 +0000 http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/?p=12#comment-21 Yea, What everyone else said! Loving you from here so very much!!!! Would you like us to send you anything??? Yea, What everyone else said!

Loving you from here so very much!!!!
Would you like us to send you anything???

]]> By: lori http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/mr-india-does-not-save-the-break-down-wallah-plus-the-most-adventurous-ice-cream-ever/#comment-20 lori Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:14:00 +0000 http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/?p=12#comment-20 i wish i could say that the time will start flying by...i am not sure, BUT i can promise this much to you...when you do get back here to cozy comfy madison, there will be ice cream galore and friends who love you waiting for you!! in the meantime, i am glad to here there are moments in this hectic life you have suddenly found yourself in that sound like they might bring a smile to your face (thank goodness there is some form of ice cream in india! phew!). so, can the clothes be returned? that is sweet of your host parents, that they are trying, though it is of course even harder now, not wanting to offend them. i am sure it is very hard for them to really be able to empathize with what you are feeling unless they have traveled a lot themselves. but its one thing to travel in another country, its another to try to live there for some period of time. i would have been a mess with out the other students i was with in mexico. though i still want to go back to learn spanish, but i think of that isolation and yes! it scares me!! as you can now absolutely relate to! sending you hugs from madison! love, lori i wish i could say that the time will start flying by…i am not sure, BUT i can promise this much to you…when you do get back here to cozy comfy madison, there will be ice cream galore and friends who love you waiting for you!! in the meantime, i am glad to here there are moments in this hectic life you have suddenly found yourself in that sound like they might bring a smile to your face (thank goodness there is some form of ice cream in india! phew!). so, can the clothes be returned? that is sweet of your host parents, that they are trying, though it is of course even harder now, not wanting to offend them. i am sure it is very hard for them to really be able to empathize with what you are feeling unless they have traveled a lot themselves. but its one thing to travel in another country, its another to try to live there for some period of time. i would have been a mess with out the other students i was with in mexico. though i still want to go back to learn spanish, but i think of that isolation and yes! it scares me!! as you can now absolutely relate to!

sending you hugs from madison!

love,

lori

]]> By: dad http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/mr-india-does-not-save-the-break-down-wallah-plus-the-most-adventurous-ice-cream-ever/#comment-19 dad Tue, 24 Jun 2008 15:32:37 +0000 http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/?p=12#comment-19 Dear Abby, Looks like the culture shock has hit you big time. The hearing part is because all speakers of a familiar language slur words together causing different sounds than the textbook one-word-at-a-time. While crazy at first,immersion will make it easier to understand later on. Frankly, am not wild about the distance issue. Think a move might be a good idea. Think you may otherwise have to be in "defense" (i.e.weapons etc.)mode- and Should Only Go By Rickshaw. As to the sanitation, you have lived a sheltered life and it will take getting used to. The caste system goes back thousands of years, and merely outlawing it (for untouchables) doesn't really change anyone's attitudes. India is a place where social Darwinism is taken to extremes. I have assumed to this point that you are staying with Brahmins- is that a correct assumption? From a business standpoint (which I believe reflects the culture)- anything you can get away with is good business. In fact, it is considered very bad business to not take advantage if you can. Not a moral judgment- just the way it is. You have to decide if the move is right for you, but do not worry about your hosts- it will be history two minutes after you leave (unless they are trying to score points with someone at the university or other agency involved-in which case they will just find someone else to take in and make them a better offer (most probable)). You are caught in India's form of politeness. You can safely assume that everyone you meet is looking out for their interests- the penalty for failing to do that is severe- you end up under a tarp by the side of the road. Also, fixed prices are an American thing-as is a (reasonably) fixed quality. The rest of the world thinks that (and American morality) is insane. love, dad Dear Abby,
Looks like the culture shock has hit you big time. The hearing part is because all speakers of a familiar language slur words together causing different sounds than the textbook one-word-at-a-time. While crazy at first,immersion will make it easier to understand later on.
Frankly, am not wild about the distance issue. Think a move might be a good idea. Think you may otherwise have to be in “defense” (i.e.weapons etc.)mode- and Should Only Go By Rickshaw. As to the sanitation, you have lived a sheltered life and it will take getting used to. The caste system goes back thousands of years, and merely outlawing it (for untouchables) doesn’t really change anyone’s attitudes. India is a place where social Darwinism is taken to extremes. I have assumed to this point that you are staying with Brahmins- is that a correct assumption? From a business standpoint (which I believe reflects the culture)- anything you can get away with is good business. In fact, it is considered very bad business to not take advantage if you can. Not a moral judgment- just the way it is.
You have to decide if the move is right for you, but do not worry about your hosts- it will be history two minutes after you leave (unless they are trying to score points with someone at the university or other agency involved-in which case they will just find someone else to take in and make them a better offer (most probable)). You are caught in India’s form of politeness. You can safely assume that everyone you meet is looking out for their interests- the penalty for failing to do that is severe- you end up under a tarp by the side of the road. Also, fixed prices are an American thing-as is a (reasonably) fixed quality. The rest of the world thinks that (and American morality) is insane.
love,
dad

]]> By: Emily http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/mr-india-does-not-save-the-break-down-wallah-plus-the-most-adventurous-ice-cream-ever/#comment-18 Emily Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:50:20 +0000 http://abbyinindia.wordpress.com/?p=12#comment-18 I completely sympathize with you... you are going through much much worse, but while we were in Costa Rica (which was supposed to be a vacation), I felt much the same way... -There was filth, poverty and crime EVERYWHERE -The ONLY thing I could manage in Spanish was ordering a hamburger (I ate many hamburgers on that trip) -I felt unbearably lost -I was being emotionally battered the entire time (although my battering was because of an evil sister-in-law) Remember no matter what that you are Abby-wallah. Also you are Loved-wallah, and I'm sending that love to you no matter where you are. You have more strength than you know. Loving-you-wallah, Em I completely sympathize with you… you are going through much much worse, but while we were in Costa Rica (which was supposed to be a vacation), I felt much the same way…

-There was filth, poverty and crime EVERYWHERE
-The ONLY thing I could manage in Spanish was ordering a hamburger (I ate many hamburgers on that trip)
-I felt unbearably lost
-I was being emotionally battered the entire time (although my battering was because of an evil sister-in-law)

Remember no matter what that you are Abby-wallah. Also you are Loved-wallah, and I’m sending that love to you no matter where you are. You have more strength than you know.

Loving-you-wallah,
Em

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